As I Lay Dying
by saiyuri-dahlia
Summary: In an AU where Suzaku won against Yusuke and controls the human world and the boys struggle in hiding, a mishap leaves Kurama a liability to the group and Hiei must choose between Kurama's life and the safety of his own. Hiei/Kurama, yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is not mine.

Author's Notes: This fic basically started as a dream of mine that got adapted to fit into the Saint Beast arc with the AU of Suzaku winning and running amok across the human world. I have had a few chapters written for a few years actually and while I have re-edited them, the writing might be a bit old and heavy-handed. In part I'm posting the first chapter to gauge readers' interest and provide something to read during the wait for the next "Angels" update.

I have had such reservations about Hiei's characterization in this first chapter, however. Given the situation and the fact that this story does start in the middle, with backstory and character development already made but not shown yet, maybe there's some leeway there but Hiei winds up pretty emotional (for his standards) in this first chapter. I've fretted and rewritten it so many times that at this point I'm just hoping readers don't consider him OOC.

In any case, I admit to my errors. In general, this fic will probably be heavy on the emotion and very depressing. Here's to hoping I don't mess it up and make it overly-emotional to the point of wangst. Has no connection to Faulkner's short novel, though I have read it. It was the first title that came to mind in development and it kind of stuck. As always, thanks for reading.

-o-

Chapter One: When the Time Comes

-o-

Hiei was numb. Not the usual sort he presented to the world, not the cold mask and I-care-about-nothing attitude the fire demon wielded against would-be potential friends and allies as skillfully as his sword, but a deep, real sense of _numbness._

Yusuke and Kuwabara passed by Hiei without word, without acknowledgement, and took Kurama's body up to the second floor and back to the bedrooms. Hiei followed, barely aware of his moving steps or the hollow sounds they made on the wooden floor. He was aware of nothing. The world was blurry now, as if he saw everything through the thin film of an onion's skin, his vision ill-defined, cloudy, and stained yellow.

As Yusuke and Kuwabara laid Kurama on the bed he and Hiei shared, Hiei remained in the hallway and stared vacantly into their room. He might as well have been staring into the smoking horizon. Or gazing off the edge of the world into perpetual darkness.

The detective and the oaf left as soon as Kurama was placed, saying nothing as they passed by Hiei. They were too shaken up themselves to say anything, Hiei suspected. He was thankful for the silence, not knowing if his next words would be an accusation, a scream, or a wail.

It was probably for the better that Hiei was frozen still. He would run, if he could. Somewhere. Anywhere. As blinding fast as possible. Even if there were no places to run to, what with the human world collapsed and Suzaku watching the borders to the demon world specifically for Hiei and Kurama, Hiei would go somewhere. To the nearest horde of possessed humans or straight to Suzaku's keep if nowhere else. Anywhere but here seemed fair. And worthy of violent destruction.

But Hiei stood still, as still as Kurama's body, in the hallway of the abandoned hotel serving as the group's hideaway from the hell befallen the human world. Footsteps down below and various bangs and thumping meant the detective and the buffoon were further fortifying the doors and windows on the first floor. The frantic footsteps above were from one of the human females, probably the detective's girl. By the sound of it, she was crying and the other muffled voices were the oaf's sister and the ferry girl comforting her.

_She deserves no comfort_, Hiei gritted his teeth and swallowed the rising curses in his throat. _After all, she is the cause—_

He faintly heard and saw Kurama take in a deep breath.

Hiei approached the bed slowly, watching Kurama's slow breath almost carry in line with his cautious steps. By the time Hiei reached his side, Kurama breathed more easily and regularly. Hiei made a quick but thorough scan of his body with his Jagan. Kurama's heart beat on, his skin remained fair in tone, and his energy was sufficient, though there was something off to it but it was nothing that alarmed Hiei. Given the circumstances, his energy would be acting a little peculiar. The only check Hiei had yet to make were of his eyes. Kurama's eyes remained shut.

By appearances, Kurama could have been sleeping. He was not. His stillness was for his body and spirit energy concentrating wholly on recovering, on healing. Hiei knew his energy's fight was useless, that it was merely staving off the inevitable. He knew the final outcome awaiting them. But despite that, he wanted Kurama to fight and he wished he could do more to help him win.

Hiei could not.

Hiei took Kurama's hand, resting limply at his side. To Hiei's relief, it felt warm. Closing his eyes, Hiei squeezed his hand and felt Kurama's pulse. Being a full demon and without a regular heartbeat, the young fire demon found the steady beat in Kurama's human body comforting, even consoling, now. The times when Hiei used to chide the fox-turned-human about his human heart seemed distant and childish. Now his heartbeat was not a symbol of his frailty—now it served as a sign of his strength. It meant Kurama was still with them, with Hiei, and that was a much appreciated and desperately needed reassurance.

Hiei relaxed his grip but held onto Kurama's hand. _This is not impossible to defeat_, he told himself and Kurama through the Jagan's telepathic enhancement. _If anyone could figure out a way to beat this, it would be you. And if you can hold off long enough, the detective will be strong enough and you'll be okay. You'll be cured. You just…never give up._

Kurama gently pressed Hiei's hand.

Hiei opened his eyes. Kurama's head was turned toward him and his eyes were halfway open.

"Strange to hear you be so encouraging… It's not like you, after all," Kurama teased and gave a fragile smile.

If Kurama was trying to lighten the mood, he failed. Miserably. Even if he meant well, it was idiotic of him to think Hiei could bring himself to smile, or even smirk, at a time like this.

The former fox tried to stay impassive and strong for his warrior's pride, but there was no need for him to keep up the facade. Hiei wouldn't think less of him for showing emotion now, not when his own feelings were tenuously contained behind a glass wall. Watching Kurama force himself to put on a weak smile and hold down his fear almost shattered that glass.

"I'm scared," Hiei admitted.

"So am I," Kurama said, his voice forced steady and strong, and held Hiei's shaking hand tighter.

"Why'd you do it then?"

"You know why," Kurama turned his head and gazed up at the ceiling. "I had to."

Anger rushing through him, Hiei released Kurama's hand and stormed away from the bed. He did not leave but instead paused at the door. He braced one hand on the frame and leaned toward it and balled his other hand into a tight, trembling fist. Hiei wouldn't hurt Kurama but _damn_, did the fire demon want to punch and burn down a wall for Kurama's selfish selflessness.

"And for _what?!_" Hiei shouted and punched the doorframe, leaving scorch marks. "That human—"

"Hiei, _please_. I do not wish to fight."

Hiei did not want to either. Not about this. And not now. He was angry, at many things and many people, including himself. And he was scared. More so than any other moment in his life because now he had someone he cared for and he was losing him to something Hiei had no power to stop. And Hiei was not used to being so powerless and scared.

Hiei gave up his anger and relaxed his fists. The fire demon circled back and stood by Kurama's bedside. The fox was looking at Hiei—he could see that well enough through his blurry eyes.

At last, Hiei said. "…I could have left but I chose you."

"I know." Kurama reached out and wiped away the one traitorous tear that dared to fall down Hiei's cheek.

Hiei stepped closer to the bed and laid his head on Kurama's chest. Hiei lay, listening to Kurama's heartbeat and wrapped his arms around the fox as Kurama stared at the ceiling and rubbed Hiei's back. For a moment, Hiei nurtured the thought that if he held on tightly enough that Kurama would stay but he knew that was childish folly. When the time came, Kurama would no longer be with him.

"I know," Kurama softly repeated. "Which will make what I ask of you more difficult."

_Then don't_, Hiei said through the Jagan, not trusting his voice would form words.

"I have to," Kurama calmly replied.

Hiei raised his head up and glared into Kurama's eyes. _No, you don't._

"Remember that I chose you too," Kurama murmured as he ran his fingers through Hiei's hair. "And this is something you must do for me because I ask you to."

Hiei said nothing and buried his face into Kurama's chest before yet another vile tear could fall as the fox waited patiently and stroked his hair. A thought crossed Hiei, holding back a sob, that if Kurama had held and touched him like this last night, Hiei would have secretly taken solace and enjoyment in the affection but now his touch was a grim comfort to them both.

Too much silence had passed between them and Kurama sought to end it. Hiei preferred the quiet. Or at least, that Kurama did not ask him to do what he feared and knew the fox would ask.

Not to Hiei's surprise, Kurama pushed on with making his request.

"When the time comes—"

"It won't," Hiei said, his voice catching itself, as he tightly rumpled Kurama's worn and frayed school uniform. It was the last one he had left.

"It will," Kurama said firmly. "And when the time comes…"

"_It won't!_" Hiei shouted.

Hiei refused to let the topic run further and buried his face back against Kurama's chest.

Kurama turned his head away and sighed loudly, venting his frustration at Hiei's stubbornness to stay oblivious to reality. In truth, Hiei knew what was coming. He knew it as well as the fox knew. And it terrified him. Terrified them both. Yes, Hiei was stubborn but not about the truth of the matter. Hiei simply was not ready or willing to accept that this was Kurama's fate, that this was his end and their end.

Not when the detective still had a fight left to win. Not when they still had a chance.

Kurama sighed again, much more softly this time. He rested his hand on Hiei's head and held it there. "We have some time yet," he said. "Think on it. We will talk later."

Hiei did not want to talk. Not now or later. He wanted things to be different. He wanted things to be okay. Not for the human world. The human world could go screw itself deeper into ruin for all Hiei cared. He just wanted Kurama to be okay. Hiei had chosen him and he did not want to lose him. He did not want to be left alone, not after he had found someone to not be alone for.

Unable to do anything else for Kurama, the young fire demon did something he rarely did, if ever, though now it was all he could do.

Hiei hoped.


	2. Chapter 2

Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is not mine.

Author's Notes: Thanks to Enjeru, Miisao-sama, and KyoHana for reviewing.

Not every chapter is a true chapter. Some like this contain one of Hiei's memories, i.e. the backstory. About every other chapter should be a memory, if this story's outline holds true, but don't count on that. History has taught me that my outlines are highly mercurial.

Certain warnings I should mention—there is some graphic detail of human remains described and some potential out of character depiction of Kurama. In these beginning chapters, there's always something that has worried me about either Hiei or Kurama's depiction. I have tried to rewrite it and silence that nagging feeling of something not quite right that plagues me during any update but there also comes that point where I have to stop fretting and allow readers to decide, so here we are.

As always, thanks for reading.

-o-

Chapter Two: What He Feared Most

-o-

It did not take long for Hiei to join Kurama in bed. He curled up against him, laid his head on his chest, and held him tight. He felt the warmth of his body, watched his chest rise and fall with his breath, and listened to his heartbeat. All was normal.

Kurama lay with his eyes closed. He was not sleeping. There was too much to think about, too much to consider to give in to the luxury of sleep. But he was giving Hiei silence and time, for what the fox hoped was being put towards coming to terms and accepting his request. It was not.

Hiei blocked out all thoughts of the yet to come. They were far too paralyzing and Hiei wished to stave off and deny their coming to be. So Hiei focused on the here and now. On the feel of his calloused fingertips brushing across Kurama's soft skin. On Kurama's breath coming as steadily and even as his heartbeat. On the continuing truth that Kurama was alive and was with him and that he loved him and he was here.

Fleetingly, Hiei thought of the open door and of one of the others seeing him in a position of weakness with Kurama. Hiei decided he did not care. The exact nature of his and Kurama's partnership was not unknown and Hiei did not care about human opinions. The others could have any thought they wanted and keep their lives, Hiei supposed, as long as he and Kurama could go about their intimacies.

Besides, Hiei was confident he was safe. Given what had happened, no one would disturb them. Not for a while, at least. With the world as it was now, everyone learned to give others space when they needed it and Hiei and Kurama would need space.

Hiei tried thinking of when he was ever this terrified for Kurama. It seemed to be a common occurrence of lately, whether or not he visibly showed it. How easily fear slipped into his heart every morning just waking and wondering if the fox would be too foolish today. Hiei had only been surprised, at most mildly alarmed when Kurama appeared more injured than he first believed after his fight with Genbu, but he had never feared for his safety.

And besides, Hiei did not care for Kurama then—after all, Kurama's betrayal had been still fresh in his mind. Back then, Kurama was only a tolerated forced associate in Koenma's 'community service' order and nothing more. He did not love him then. His death would not have mattered to him. At that point, Kurama's value to him served only as his usefulness in battle.

He seemed to silently worry for him everyday now. For good reason, so it appeared.

The first time he had felt true fear started with a sound Hiei still heard echoed in the quiet, whether in the day after clearing the area of possessed humans or at night safely wrapped in the fox's arms.

-o-

Kurama screamed.

A strident, throat-tearing scream. A scream of anguish and war. A scream that foretold death. Kurama's anger deafened the crackle of the ever-burning fires. The possessed humans stopped moaning and peered in the direction of the sound. Lightning and thunder cracked and boomed right after but no one heard it. Every sound in the world was suddenly very small and trivial to everyone's ears. Everyone had heard Kurama and knew the worst had come.

Naturally, Hiei had been the first to reach him.

Kurama stood in front of the heaped masses of freshly severed possessed human limbs and slashed torsos like a statue surrounded by grisly, bleeding offerings of devotion. He did not move. He did not acknowledge Hiei when he arrived. He barely breathed.

Hiei approached Kurama from a side angle, distrusting the safety of coming up from behind. If his energy was any indicator of Kurama's mind-set, it was in Hiei's best interest to step slow, watch warily, and think cautiously. Kurama's spirit ran free about his body with no attempt at all from him to restrain or pull back on it. Kurama had lost control. He wasn't even struggling to regain his absolute composure. It was as if there was not enough of Kurama left within himself to fight for self-discipline.

The nature of his energy had also changed. Before, Hiei had always felt the pulse of Kurama's energy signature, unsurprisingly, as a lush green plant burying its hardy roots into wet, loamy soil. Kurama's energy was typically calm and gentle and brought the smell of a forest after a light rainstorm to mind. But not now.

Whereas Kurama's energy had always felt organic and full of life and growth, it now felt greasy, withering, and twisted. The closest impression Hiei could see the form of Kurama's energy took now was of knives, no, of blades, no…

It was fangs.

Kurama's energy had turned into rows and rows of sharp, serrated fangs. Jaws formed and Hiei right off recognized the muzzle shape and realized they were fox jaws. The laughing fox mouths snapped the air and cracked their teeth against another expectantly. The mouths were hungry and eager to hunt. They were ready to bite, to rip, to tear, to_ kill_.

Kurama was a demon once more but not back to his old self. No, Youko Kurama was far too measured and calculating and _cold_. Not like this. Kurama blazed with hot, wild wrath and brutality. He was a demon once more but he was clearly not in his right mind. Hiei surmised he was relying on impulse and the straggling shreds of self that remained in tenuous command within him. Something of his true self must have still existed and recognized Hiei's energy—how else was Hiei stepping toward him without strike?

As he drew closer to the fox, Hiei saw exactly what put Kurama in such a dark state. On the ground lay the human mother the fox so dearly loved. She was dead. Her final moments were of pain and fear. Her mouth was contorted into a permanent scream. Her eyes were open and wide and transfixed on a point just above Kurama's left shoulder. Her stomach was torn and open, the skin and fat pulled back. The possessed humans must have been feeding on her when Kurama found her, evident by the rose-severed arm still clutching onto her wet intestine.

Hiei moved his gaze onto Kurama. His face was dark with rage and hurt. In the shadows of Suzaku's perpetually stormy skies and in the fading red twilight, Kurama's eyes, once a bright brilliant green, were dark green, no, black. Only in a lightning flash could Hiei see the deep dark green accents in the pure blackness of his eyes. Kurama did not turn away from staring at his mother's body. He did not speak. Hiei did not speak. Kurama stared and Hiei waited.

"Kurama!" the detective and the oaf yelled over and over. They were close and getting closer. No doubt they could sense Kurama's energy, even spiritually-insensitive Yusuke could have picked up on Kurama. The fox was a candle flame in a pitch-dark room.

"Kurama!" Kuwabara hoarsely shouted. As the most spiritually aware, it wasn't surprising he would be the lead.

"Where is he, man?" Yusuke said, his shout full of urgency and unease. "Come on, Kuwabara!"

"This way. No doubt 'bout that," he replied.

From around the rubble, Yusuke appeared. "There you ar—" Immediately, he froze at sight of Kurama's human mother's body. Kuwabara, Botan, and Keiko quickly joined him in collective shock and grief.

"Kurama…" Yusuke said softly and took a step forward. Kuwabara quickly grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. Yusuke turned and glared back at him.

"Something's with his energy," Kuwabara pointed out. "_Don't_."

"Someone's got to say something," Yusuke growled back.

"And you think _now _is the best time?" Kuwabara said, narrowing his stare.

"Yes!" Yusuke firmly said and threw off Kuwabara's hand.

Calming himself as he smoothed out the irritation from his face and voice, Yusuke stepped toward Kurama. He did not walk all the way to stand beside him like Hiei. He did not stand even halfway between them. Hiei supposed the detective was slightly smarter than he looked. After all, he had enough sense to not approach Kurama at all as closely as him—he could do it only because Kurama knew him the longest and Hiei had the speed to evade him.

"Kurama, not long ago, I met your mother," Yusuke began softly, hesitating on his words. "It was strange, besides the fact a demon had a human mom… It was strange because I'd never had a real mom and didn't know what one was like until I met yours. She was a kind woman, good and polite, just like you. She raised you well. She loved you very much."

Yusuke stared down at the rubble and intentionally avoided the grisly remains of Kurama's mother. "I can't say enough how sorry I am. It's my fault. I wasn't strong enough. I lost and if I hadn't…none of this… I'm sorry we didn't make it back in time to save her. I'm sor—"

Hiei watched the fox mouths bark and hiss and bite on one another.

"The idiot spoke something wise for once." Hiei glared at Yusuke. "_Don't_. If you value your lives, _don't_."

They would assume the threat was from Hiei and while that was also true, the real warning was for Kurama. The detective's words were not helping—they merely twisted glass into the fox's raw wounds. In his state of mind, Hiei could not be certain if the fox was capable of differentiating between friend or foe or whether he was simply willing to take lethal measures just to shut Yusuke the hell up to staunch his bleeding.

"Kurama, please, talk to us," Botan pled.

"Come on, man!" Yusuke clenched his fists. "Don't pull this silent shit! Talk! Cry! Hit me! Do _something_! Whatever you have to do… Just don't stand there!"

"Yusuke, be a little more sensitive," Keiko said, grabbing Yusuke by the shirt and wrenching him around to face her. "And lower your voice. You're going to have us surrounded if you keep yelling at Kurama."

"I'm not yelling at him! I'm trying to snap him back to us so we all don't get killed waiting for him to come back on his own!" Yusuke said. "It's getting dark. They're more active at night. I don't want the city on our asses and I'm not leavin' Kurama to them either."

"Guys, we still gotta find my sis," Kuwabara added.

"_Exactly_," Yusuke growled as he stomped toward Kurama. "I know it's hard, Kurama, and I know you're a thousand ways hurting and pissed off right now but you gotta snap out of it. We have to go. If I have to, fox boy, I'll drag you myself."

"No, Yusuke," Kurama murmured, his voice measured and chill, without facing or looking away from his mother's body. "I will not be coming back."

And then Kurama leapt onto the rubble pile in the shadow of his mother's body and leapt once more, vanishing from view.

Yusuke and the others immediately ran after him. Hiei raced ahead and blocked Yusuke's path. The others stopped in suit right in line after Yusuke.

"None of you dare!" Hiei ordered, drawing his sword and slicing the air, giving fair warning that he would cut any of them if they so much tried to twitch past him. "Let him be."

"Hiei—" Yusuke said.

"Let him be," Hiei repeated, colder this time.

Hiei and Yusuke locked glares. Between them stood Hiei's sword, ready to cross flesh if need be, its blade shining red in the remaining twilight. Neither Hiei nor Yusuke wanted to give in to the other's will and believed they were doing what was best for Kurama. But in the end, only Hiei was willing to kill to have his way, so Yusuke reluctantly backed down.

"Kurama'll be okay," Yusuke said begrudgingly as he turned around. "Shizuru needs us more."

The others agreed, concern for Kurama still marking their worried faces, as they looked at the rubble pile where their fox had last stood. While the detective and the others left to save the oaf's sister before she too was too late to save, Hiei stayed. When he knew he was alone, Hiei put away his sword and gazed in silence at Kurama's mother's partially eaten body.

And then, in a low voice, he spoke to the corpse pile because Shiori was not there anymore, because Yusuke was right about someone saying something, and because Kurama was not there in body or mind to say something. It had to be done, however, and Hiei was the only one there.

"You don't know me and you never would have. I knew you. Not well and didn't want to know you but in associating with Kurama, you learn about his mother…and how not to threaten her. Might as well tell you now, Kurama is your Shuuichi and he's a demon. That doesn't mean he didn't love you. He loves you dearly. So much so he's racing headlong to his death, driven mad by anger and grief for you, so if he dies, he's dying for you. I hope that makes you proud of your son."

Hiei paused and glanced quickly to his side and back. "It's human custom to say something nice to the dead, isn't it? Well, I don't have anything nice to say to you. I never had a mother. I never saw the importance of having a mother or of a mother's love. I don't understand what Kurama saw in you or that love. I saw a weak human female who served only to be a hindrance to him. You weakened him. He would say otherwise but the fact remains that he is no longer the demon he once was and now, without you, he's not even what you turned him into."

Hiei breathed slowly until he could finally unclench his fists. "He's out there, mourning and hurting. I suppose he'll be hurting long after this, because of you. Because he loved you. He misses you and I don't understand why. Even dead, you weaken him. Why he cared about you, I'll never know but he did. I cannot change that fact any more than I can make him the Youko again."

_I don't know if he'll ever be himself again, or whether I can bring him back…_

"I'll say it once more… Kurama loved you. And, for reasons I will never understand, he valued your life. More than his own. But I respect Kurama. I value him and he valued you, but I am not doing this for you. I am doing this for him. Because he's not here."

Hiei clasped his hands together and burst a spark of energy into his palm. Gradually, he opened his hands and tended to and grew the small flame hovering between his palms. When the fire was ready and stable enough, Hiei bent down onto one knee and placed the bobbing flame on Shiori's blouse. The cloth caught fire and slowly the flame spread.

He waited in the dark of night and killed any possessed humans drawn by the fire and watched the flame burn away her clothes, burn away her flesh, burn away her muscle and blood down to ash and bone. He watched the fire take her body from this world, but not her presence and not her love. Both were still out there. Somewhere. Angry and hurting in the dark but out there in this world.

Hiei waited until the last smoldering embers faded to black and then he left.

To search of what remained of Shiori's love.


	3. Chapter 3

Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is not my property.

Author's Notes: Thanks to Enjeru, Everlasting hunger, KyoHana, Guest, solitare1, and Mapperson722 for reviewing.

I must admit, writing this is sometimes emotionally draining. Luckily, the chapters are so short, but that's also due to me wanting to see if I could write a story with such short chapters. And, well…I had hoped to be back working on "Angels" by now but it seems the delay is going to be a bit longer on the next chapter. It's a rather important one so I'd like to make sure it comes out close to right.

Thanks for reading.

-o-

Chapter Three: Coming to Terms

-o-

Hiei walked up to the third floor and into their living room of sorts, his entrance met with tight stares and tauter silence. The girls sat together on a long couch across the room. The detective's girl sat in the middle while the ferry girl and the fool's sister sat on the left and right of her respectively.

Still half-sobbing, Keiko's eyes and face were red and puffy from crying, and upon seeing Hiei come in and immediately fix his icy, venomous glare on her, she cringed and buried her stare down into her lap. Hiei did not relent his murderous stare—it would have been wise for him to do so, as the more he looked at her and thought of Kurama, Hiei's anger burned and froze and whetted its blades. Hiei did not look away.

Understandably worried, Botan and Shizuru watched Hiei in wary silence and each wrapped a protective arm around Keiko. Hiei still did not believe she deserved any comfort. He did not believe she deserved to be shielded. What Hiei believed she deserved was…

Hiei could not let himself think of that. Not now. No, definitely not right now. There was too much of a possibility he would act on what he thought she deserved and that he would give her tenfold of that.

Quickly, before his anger persuaded him to just let go, to stop forcing it down, to let it do what it and he wished, Hiei moved his sight and his body over to stand in front of a boarded window. One of the girls breathed an audible sigh of relief.

Once he reached the window, Hiei did not move. He did not look through the gaps between the boards to the outside. Hiei did not want to look. Hiei did not even want to see the black wood grain in the boards sealing the window. Hiei tried to not think. He tried to will himself into the deep numbness he felt before when he first saw Kurama's unconscious body being carried in but that only led him to think about Kurama. Hiei did not want to think. About Kurama. About the detective's girl_. _About anything. But all Hiei seemed able to do now was think.

From the sounds of footsteps clomping up the stairs, the detective and the buffoon were finished fortifying the first floor. Hiei was right. They came in and immediately looked at Hiei. Hiei did not speak and did not turn around. He remained still and silent, like a shadow against the wall, and since the group was used to seeing shadows and Hiei had no intention of being anything else, they could ignore him. And so they did. Hiei felt the detective and the fool's stares move away from him and onto the girls.

The boys stepped closer and spoke quietly to the girls. Amongst the boys' harsh murmurs, Hiei heard his name. He did not react. Not even to angle an ear toward the conversation. Hiei did not care. He let whichever girl that answered explain what happened. After all, Hiei had done nothing to her. Yet_._

Hiei heard Kuwabara's heavy breath and the chair's creaking and crumpling against his heavy body as he sat down. Yusuke preferred to stand. He preferred leaning against the main support beam in the center of the room with his arms crossed over his chest and a hard scowl on his miserable face, to be exact.

No one said anything. They breathed in. Chairs creaked. Bodies shifted in their seats. Walls creaked. Outside, thunder rolled itself out and back in itself and out again. They exhaled. Hearts beat. All but Hiei's. His wouldn't for another hour and fifty minutes and after that, it would be weeks before it needed to beat again. Unless he was stressed (and he clearly was) and the stress raised his heart rate, then his heart would beat again in a matter of days. Hiei supposed he would know soon enough.

Sadness closed in around everyone's throats and kept them from speaking. Hiei was okay with that. He could not stand and he would hurt anyone who decided to lighten the mood or distract themselves and the others with idle chat. Not right now. Things were not the same and there was no going back. The truth could not simply be swept under the rug and forgotten. If anyone spoke, Hiei knew what the topic would be. Nothing else could be discussed.

And he would be the one they spoke to first.

Hiei shut his eyes and waited.

Eyes jumped from person to person. Knuckles cracked. Feet shuffled in place. Mouths opened and immediately closed, some with an audible smack. No one wanted to speak first. That or all their thoughts spilled out wordlessly from their gaping mouths so they sealed their lips shut if only to hold onto what they wanted to say.

Hiei continued waiting in the heavy silence. At some point, his heart beat.

Someone would speak. It was going to happen. If they cared at all, even for their own necks, they would ask. If Hiei had to force the conversation by pretending to leave, he would, though he doubted he would need to. Not long after, Hiei was proven correct.

"…How's Kurama?" Yusuke asked Hiei.

"Go see for yourself," Hiei said, his back still to everyone.

"You being honest?" Yusuke said, hard anger slipping into his voice, and took a firm step toward Hiei. "Or is that a go fuck yourself?"

"Both."

Yusuke gritted his teeth and curled his fingers into tight, trembling fists. If he wanted to hit Hiei, he was welcomed to. Hiei preferred not talking anyway. But Yusuke did not hit him. The boy stood, his whole body rigid, and held down his temper. Hiei wasn't sure why Yusuke was growing angry. Hiei's comment was not something unexpected out of him but for some reason, Yusuke took offense to it. And besides, if anyone had the _right_ to be angry right now, it was Hiei.

Yusuke refused to stare anywhere else but on Hiei. Everyone else watched Yusuke. Hiei stared at nothing. After a long pause, Hiei figured the detective was not backing down until he gave him a real answer.

"He hasn't changed," Hiei said, his voice low, as he halfway turned around and met Yusuke's stare with his own piercing gaze, "And he would want his friends to still talk to him." Kuwabara rose from his seat but Hiei shot him back down with swift glare. "Not now. He needs some time. To rest. To think."

_…To come to terms with dying._

The thought hooked Hiei's breath and ripped it from him. Hiei shut his barely-opened lips and swallowed his airless gasp coarsely. He did not show any ache. He would not. Not to anyone in this room.

Luckily, everyone was too busy inside themselves or wrapped up in concern for another to really notice him and that the quiet had slunk back into the room and taken a hold of all of them again. Hiei did not think the silence was all that surprising or disconcerting, as the others believed. Silence was expected. Anything less was insulting to Kurama.

But Hiei was not about to stay here with the others and gawk at one another in stunned, disbelieving silence. Hiei walked over and picked up his sheathed sword resting against the corner.

"Where are you going?" Yusuke asked, his voice demanding Hiei to answer. Quite idiotically, Hiei decided. It wasn't as if the detective _had_ to ask. If the boy gave two seconds of thought, he could easily figure out where he was going and what he planned to do.

"Out," Hiei replied when Yusuke repeated his question. "I'm not about to stand here and do nothing."

"But you can't—I—"

"_Did I say I was going there?_" Hiei snapped back, his eyes as hard as his tone.

Assuming his assumption of where Yusuke assumed Hiei was going was correct, Hiei had to give the detective some credit in thinking he was going to Suzaku's keep, but it was still a stupid assumption. Though he wished he could charge off, blade drawn, fire in his blood and on his fingertips, Hiei couldn't. He wasn't...strong enough. And if he went to Suzaku's keep, he would fail and he would die. And Kurama would die alone.

But like he had already told Yusuke, he wasn't about to stand around and do nothing.

"I'm going out," he repeated, this time the final time, and headed toward the stairs.

"Hiei…" Botan said softly.

Much as it annoyed him to, Hiei paused and looked over his shoulder toward her, doing his best to not look at anyone else also on the couch. Hiei met Botan's wet eyes with a glare and a firm scowl. She could reprimand him or appeal to his reason all she wanted in a futile attempt to persuade him to not go outside but Hiei had made up his mind.

"…Take care," was all she said and, like the others, watched him leave.


	4. Chapter 4

Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho isn't mine.

Author's Notes: Thanks to PaintedLolita710, solitare1, and KyoHana for reviewing the last chapter.

Though I've had a few of these chapters written for a while now, I actually had to rewrite this chapter a bit because I realized that this memory occurs after Hiei and Kurama rejoins the group after Kurama's breakdown, and as a little head's up, Kurama is not in any way healed and stable at this point. The problem with jumping memories is that it's easy to forget the proper continuity of how the memories fit, especially if you haven't returned to a story in a while.

Here we have another memory echoing to Botan and Hiei's exchange from the last chapter. As always, thanks for reading.

-o-

Chapter Four: To What Measure Is Human?

-o-

"But you can't!" Botan shouted, her voice growing louder and shriller in frustration as she failed miserably to convince Hiei to stay inside the safe house.

"Why _exactly_ can't I?" Hiei growled as he paused mid-step and glared at her over his shoulder.

"The laws of Spirit World prohibit demons from killing humans and, while Suzaku does control them, Spirit World still defines the possessed humans as human. You can't go around killing them, Hiei. This world may be in ruin but Spirit World's laws are still in effect."

"What? That's bull!" Yusuke objected. "You mean if Hiei or Kurama are ever surrounded, they can't fight back."

"The law is the law, Yusuke," Botan said. "It's the only order we have left."

"Order? Have you seen what's out there?" Yusuke spat back. "Unless Koenma's sending us his special forces, we're on our own out here."

"I just…" Overcome with frustration and worry, Botan made her way to the couch, sat down, and breathed a long sigh as she brushed her hair out from her eyes. "I don't want anything to get worse for anyone."

"Everything is worse," Kurama said suddenly, his voice cold and wooden, from the doorway leading to the halls and stairs and the upper floors, "and the reality is that it can become even worse at any moment."

It was the first time he had been in the same room and spoken to anyone but Hiei since they rejoined the others in the safe house six weeks ago. Even after he had claimed he was ready to return to the group, Hiei hadn't thought he was ready then, Hiei had known he wasn't ready, but it had been a tactical advantage for them to rejoin the others and Kurama was relying on tactics and logic so they had searched and found the others held out at this so-called safe house.

Kurama rarely said much, even to Hiei, though it worked for the both of them since Hiei never said much either. If they spoke, their conversations were brief but their time together was plentiful. If he had any concerns, Hiei learned all he needed to know from his face and body language or his energy. They didn't need to speak but they did have to be there for the other.

The room instantly fell under a heavy silence, as everyone but Hiei turned and got a look at Kurama for the first time in over five months. His thinner, gaunt form and the shadows under his eyes would be what shocked and locked their attention for a while at first. Then they would notice other things, like that he hadn't combed his limp hair today and had only half-buttoned his long nightshirt. The nightshirt would not have actually fit him before his…absence but it definitely did not fit him now and was slipping off his slumped shoulders, revealing part of his chest that would be no delight to his female admirers. At least he was wearing pants today.

"If you wish to enforce Spirit World laws, by all means, Yusuke, arrest me," Kurama said dully. He wasn't even looking up, much less looking at Yusuke. He took a step forward and wobbled a bit. His steps were a little stiff, like he hadn't been up and on his feet in a long time, which he probably hadn't. Last time he had checked in on him, Kurama had been sleeping by the boarded window on the carpet. Of lately, it was odder to find him actually sleeping in his bed—he was far more likely to sleep under the bed, if not around it.

"You want to put me on trial? So be it. Let's have a trial," he continued, his otherwise dull voice growing eerily cheerful toward the end as he stopped in the middle of the living room and stood straight across from Botan. "I plead guilty to all counts of murdering numerous possessed humans. I cannot give you an exact number but I know I have killed them. Their murders were absolutely premeditated and intentional. They were human and they were possessed. They know not what they have done or who they have killed. I know who and what I have killed."

Raising his head and meeting her confused, alarmed stare, he smiled far too calmly, pushing his cheery voice beyond eerie and straight into terrifying and utterly freaking out Yusuke and Kuwabara to no end. "So I've been arrested, tried, and convicted… What does Spirit World law decree next?" Botan was frozen in her seat and visibly shaking and breathing quickly as Kurama's head tilted down just a fraction and his smile grew. "Oh, of course…_execution_."

"Kurama!" Yusuke said, eyes wide and locked in a disbelieving, what-the-fuck stare on the fox.

"I've made my point," Kurama said, his voice dull once more as he stared idly again at the floor. "Your concern is touching but unneeded, Yusuke," he assured as he turned away and made his unsteady way over to an unplugged mini fridge containing several warm sodas. "You assume that Hiei and I will find ourselves stranded and outnumbered. However, should the impossible make itself reality, we are more than capable of eluding a vastly slower enemy and if we must, we will kill them." Kurama grabbed a strawberry soda, shut the mini fridge door with his foot, and sat down on the top stair and far from the others.

"Do you think we care about Spirit World's laws? Remember how we met, detective." Hiei added, smirking in malicious glee. "If I need to, I _will_ kill humans. I'm not dying just to remain in the all-deciding brat's graces."

"But they're still people, right?" Kuwabara said, fear and uncertainly lining his voice as his eyes darted to and away from Kurama over and over. "We can't kill people."

Shizuru scoffed. "Yea, they're people all right. We've always been surrounded by mindless killing machines. Good of you to finally notice, little brother." She paused to light another cigarette and to take a quick draw. "Personally, I'd rather live in reality. I vote we start killing."

"Shizuru, we don't have to," Keiko said, appalled by Shizuru's callous pragmatism. She turned to a shaking Botan beside her on the sofa and wrapped her arm around her shoulders reassuringly. "Spirit World will help us, right, Botan?"

"I've tried contacting Koenma but I can't get a signal to him and I can't fly through Suzaku's barrier," she said, putting on a hopeful smile. "But he's aware of the crisis so Spirit World is bound to respond."

"Open your eyes! Suzaku controls the human world, Spirit World is as useful as ever, and its stupid laws don't matter. Demon law reigns now." Hiei's smirk was unsettlingly pleased as he spoke. "It's kill or die. Only the strongest will remain. That is your world now."

The room fell silent again.

"Tactful as always, Hiei," Kurama said, without looking back from the top step. His soda can hissed and popped as he opened it.

"Look. We don't have to kill anybody," Kuwabara said, waving his hands in a let's-settle-down gesture. "Urameshi just has to get rid of that flute and all this'll be over."

"Yea, and how do you suppose I do that?" Yusuke said derisively. "Walk up and ask Suzaku to pretty-please let me hold the flute?"

No one answered. Everyone but Kurama simply stared back at Yusuke as he balled a hand into a fist, turned to face the support beam he had been leaning against, and glared at it as if he contemplated punching it. Kurama took a drink of his soda.

In time, Yusuke relaxed his fist and bowed his head. "All right, I'll admit it. Bird boy kicked my ass and I'm still not strong enough yet. Things'll be hell for a while until I am. We might have to do…what we have to."

"Would you really kill another human, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked.

"I don't know!" he said defensively. "Don't look at me like that! You think I know what I'd do?! What about you? What if you had to save Shizuru?"

"Bad example," Shizuru said. "I'd be saving him."

Kuwabara glanced over at his sister but ignored her comment. "I don't know, Urameshi. And don't deflect my question. Would you kill a human? To save Keiko?"

"I—uh—"

"_Stop this!_" Keiko shouted as she covered her hands over her ears. "Enough, _please_. No more talking about killing anyone. Just…stop."

Returning the favor and more than likely still needing the reassurance herself, Botan put an arm around her, laid her forehead against her head, and whispered reassurances as an overwhelmed Keiko sat crying with her face in her hands.

Hiei didn't need to stand here and watch this drivel. Not since there were far better ways he could utilize his time. He passed by Kurama but the fox said nothing and drank a little more of his soda. Hiei had no doubt he already understood. The fox was smart. The detective was not. Yusuke asked him what he was doing.

Not even looking back as he headed downstairs, Hiei said, "Something useful."


	5. Chapter 5

Story Title: As I Lay Dying

Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is not my property, yeah?

Author's Notes: Thanks to KyoHana and solitare1 for reviewing.

I never thought I would ever need to write Suzaku until this story came along. Well, this and "The Brine Child". As a character I've never really written before, I hope he is somewhat in character. Gave it my best shot, at least. There's a part of me that still can't get over how he has the same voice actor as Jin. Every time I write him, I struggle not to think of or write him as Jin's evil cousin…

While I am working on the next chapter of "Angels", I decided to re-edit and post this chapter in the meantime. Thanks for reading.

-o-

Chapter Five: Pest Control

-o-

Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty. Thirty pathetic possessed humans dead. Thirty obstacles removed and only thousands more to go. Hiei was shooting for five hundred by the night's end but wouldn't be angry with at least three hundred and fifty.

So far, the plan was to kill every possessed human within twenty-five miles of the safe house but Hiei's target range extended out to twice that. For now, there were plenty of possessed humans trespassing within the twenty-five mile radius to occupy Hiei's time. Their numbers and influx were too sporadic and disorganized for Hiei to believe Suzaku had specifically commanded them to this area.

Suzaku really should have stuck to lower class apparitions. Granted most were as smart as the possessed humans, demons were still far more reliable and understood orders better. Possessed humans didn't seem to understand anything. No wonder Suzaku hadn't organized an attack on the safe house, not that he knew where they were. Even if he did, Suzaku couldn't get them to coordinate successfully enough for such an undertaking. Killing one human girl was hard enough (and they didn't even succeed at that) but to organize them to mount a full-scale assault? No chance.

Five thugs, a boys' youth soccer team, and a young woman ironically wearing zombie makeup were now dead and all were a waste of time. Hiei wondered what Suzaku saw in utilizing the possessed humans. They were only effective against other humans. Lower-class demons would eat a possessed human and upper-class demons wouldn't waste the energy on something so below them.

Granted a cursed sword had warped Hiei's mind at the time, but when Hiei had threatened to take over the world, he at least had used demons, albeit many of them were humans turned into demons. Well, in truth, the sword had been the demon loyalist—Hiei had never really given a damn about taking over the world. He had been, much as it reviled him to admit, a puppet of the sword's plans.

But that was then and this was now and now Hiei was swiping off the dark, clotted blood from his blade. With a piercing frenzied shriek as its dead giveaway, a possessed human charged at Hiei from behind. Hiei flipped the blade so the razor edge pointed skyward, thrusted it backward, and stabbed the human in the stomach. He then pulled upwards and butterflied the human, and then started recleaning his sword, never once looking back. Forty-nine.

His killings were useful but hardly challenging. It put Hiei in a state of contradiction—wanting strongly to be alone but also made him wish Kurama was out here with him. The fox, when he was in true control of himself again and left his cell, had served as a lookout and protection, but in soon time, he had joined him in the eradication. Polite and proper, he acted, but Kurama still had a certain disregard for the rules, a fact forgotten by Spirit World.

_That and he simply has nothing left to give a damn about to fear Spirit World's repercussions, _Hiei recalled as he beheaded a vile-looking old hag crawling on her hands since her legs had atrophied beyond use.

The twenty-five mile mark clear, Hiei headed out toward fifty. There, his count rose only to seventy. The possessed humans were peculiarly sparse in this area. Something wasn't right. He knew this was wrong. Even with his regular killings slashing their numbers, Kurama's calculations had assured there were far more out there. This didn't make sense. For certainty, Hiei opened his Jagan and hunted down the fleeting pulse of human energy. He felt nothing.

Hiei made his way farther from his self-appointed target range. He was now seventy-five miles away from the safe house. And he had hardly killed any possessed humans along the way. As a precaution, Hiei dropped his energy level and flitted through the shadows.

He walked in the cover of a house left in rubble when he felt the sudden spike of Suzaku's energy signature pierce the night. No, it wasn't the real Suzaku—he preferred to remain in his roost—but a clone. Seeing as a clone had the same power as Suzaku, Hiei was dead regardless. The difference in dying to a clone and the original was simply a matter of pride.

"Ah, what do we have here?" the clone said mockingly. "Looks like I found a little rat scurrying about."

Hiei's eyes widened in honest surprise. He hadn't figured that through the darkness, under all the rubble, and with his energy basically nonexistent that the phoenix would find him so quickly but he had.

Suzaku laughed darkly in his throat, "Now really, don't look so shocked. You think I didn't know you were there? You should know you can't hide from your superior."

Suzaku was stronger than Hiei, true, but by damn was he not his superior. Knowing it would take only a few knocks and jolts from the phoenix to kill him, even if the clone didn't bring in his brothers, Hiei drew his sword and readied himself to dash out from his cover at a moment's notice.

"You should feel honored to die by my hands," Suzaku continued. "It is not often I waste energy on a human—"

Hearing Suzaku mention humans forced a pause. Searching through the gaps between the broken rubble, Hiei found himself staring at Suzaku from behind. The clone floated in mid-air, arms presumably haughtily crossed over his chest, as he looked down upon a human on the ground below. Hiei at last heard the trembling, high voice of a human male begging for his life to be spared. Hiei stayed under his ruins, pressed closer against the wall, and became a shadow.

"But I do delight in the way my lightning makes your bodies wriggle and the delicious screams of agony you all make. I've become quite the connoisseur of human screams. Give me a good show now."

Hiei remained hidden and did not look but he heard the crack of lightning and the man's final screams, drawn out by Suzaku for as long as he held his attention, all the same.

"Damn. I was wrong," Suzaku grumbled. "Pity that the children are always the first to die. They produce the best screams."

The clone flew off, crowing to himself. Hiei waited amid the rubble until he no longer felt the pulse of Suzaku's energy signature before he stepped out. Not that he had a particular care or sympathy for the dead human, Hiei for a moment stood beside the man's blacked corpse, still smoldering and stinking of burning flesh, his mouth forever contorted into a scream.

He acknowledged that Suzaku or any of his clones could do the exact same thing to them. It could be his fate. Or Kurama's. Hell, even Yusuke could not yet match the phoenix's power. So they were hiding, living in unspoken fear and broken pride because of one demon who could become seven.

_Law of the demon world—the strongest reign and the weak cowers, _Hiei thought and frowned.

He watched as a Makai insect fluttered past him. In a single blur, he sliced through the pathetic insect and headed back to the safe house.


End file.
